Florida looks different in the winter.

Here on the bay, the water barely moves. It stands still like glass, holding the sky in place. At sunrise and sunset, the light spills across the surface and reflects back up again, as if the sun is pausing just to be noticed. It’s quiet. Still. Almost reverent.

Getting here, though, was anything but.

My mom and I traveled together, with my kids arriving a few days later after celebrating Christmas with their dad. But, after arriving at the airport, Mom and I were told our second flight had been canceled.  They could rebook us, but we'd be in Dallas for eight hours. Yes, an eight-hour layover.

Normally, that wouldn’t have been ideal, but not disastrous. But airports are hard on my mom, someone who lives with pain. Navigating crowds is exhausting. Sitting in a terminal for eight hours is brutal. We survived it, with some comical moments along the way, but by the time we arrived, we were wrung out and Mom needed some serious recovery.

Two days later, my kids showed up carrying more than suitcases.  They also brought the flu.  Not the mild kind. The real kind with fevers, chills, and bodies that couldn’t move. Since they arrived, they’ve been holed up in their bedrooms, trying to recover, while my mom and I do our best to stay healthy and keep things running.

So no, this trip hasn’t gone as planned.  And then there was the other news.  My ex-husband has taken steps to move on with his life.  It wasn’t unexpected. It’s within his right. But there’s a finality that comes with hearing it out loud, a door closing in a way your heart still needs time to absorb. I wasn’t prepared for how much that would land, especially here, especially now.  

Nothing has gone according to plan. Not the flights. Not the arrival. Not caring for my mom through long hours in an airport. Not sick kids. Not this.

But Jesus knew. He knew before the flights were canceled, before the fevers started, and before the news reached me.  And somehow, in the middle of all of it, I’ve found myself alone with Him more than I have been in a long time.

My kids are sick. My mom is recovering. So I’ve spent evenings by campfires alone. I’ve swum in the pool alone. I’ve read books alone. I’ve watched waves roll in and out with no one talking beside me.  And God has been very, very present.

I don’t know if this is theologically airtight, but I wonder if maybe some things were allowed to fall apart so He and I could sit together longer. So I could talk through a broken heart without distraction. So I could listen. So I could be quiet enough to hear the question He keeps asking me.

Am I enough for you?

He reminded me I live a deeply blessed life, and our story hasn't been easy.  When my divorce began, I had no idea how I would pay the bills or keep my home. At the same time, my son’s cancer returned. My daughter was battling deep depression. My marriage was unraveling. Life wasn’t just difficult, it was burning down around me in every direction.

I took a job with a small business that offered flexibility, simply because I had no other option. That business grew. Against all odds, stability came back into our lives, slowly, then all at once.  My kids are better now, my son's health is stable, my daughter is healing.  And now, here I am, hearing God ask again:

Am I enough for you, even now?

Because if He is enough, I can walk through this too.  This ground I’m standing on wasn’t given easily. It was fought for. Prayed over. Cried into. This is holy ground. Sacred ground. 

Now He’s asking me not to look backward.  Not to deny my feelings, but to handle them His way.  Not to control what I cannot control, but to keep walking in His direction.  Divorce is ugly. That's the reality of it. There are things I don’t get to call the shots on, things I can't give my opinion on. No matter how unfair it feels.

But I’ve fought too hard for my peace, too hard for my sanity, too hard to let anxiety and anger reclaim ground they no longer own.  So my answer, even through fear, even through grief, is yes.

Yes, God, you are enough.  And I will keep walking.

Gratitude as a Weapon

It’s astonishing how quickly we can lose sight of God’s blessings when something painful resurfaces. One piece of news, one memory, one unexpected trigger can pull our focus away from everything God has done and fix it squarely on what hurts or what feels lost. That temptation has been very real for me this week as I’ve found myself pulled back into the pain, frustration, and unresolved grief surrounding my divorce.  I thought I was doing much better than this.  But, the news I received landed harder than I expected, and I’ve had to give myself permission to acknowledge that honestly. Some things still need to be grieved, and pretending otherwise doesn’t make them disappear.

At the same time, grief does not get free rein. It does not get to transform itself into anger or sink into bitterness. Grief may be part of the healing process, but it does not get to permanently take my joy or dictate my behavior, especially not during a season meant for hope and celebration. Its OK to honor what hurts without allowing it to grow into something that poisons my heart. The danger comes when grief is left unchecked long enough to take root, introducing toxic emotions that lead straight into anxiety, resentment, and misery.

That led me to a very honest question for God: How do you want me to deal with this? How do you interrupt the spiral when your heart feels broken and your emotions feel overwhelming? His answer was simple, direct, and deeply confronting. God reminded me that anger and bitterness cannot coexist in a grateful heart.

Ouch.

He didn’t minimize the pain or rush me past it. He didn’t offer a quick fix. Instead, He pointed me back to gratitude, not as a sentiment, but as a discipline.

Gratitude is often misunderstood. It can feel quiet, passive, even weak, something better suited for an entry-level Sunday school lesson than real spiritual warfare. But gratitude is not passive at all. It is a powerful weapon against some of the most destructive emotions the enemy uses to derail us. Deep-rooted anger, bitterness, resentment, and fear cannot survive in a heart that is intentionally practicing gratitude. When we choose to be grateful, we actively resist the pull toward darkness that those emotions create.

So I put it into practice, even though I didn't feel like it. Every task I did that morning, no matter how ordinary, I paired with gratitude. I thanked God intentionally and repeatedly. I am starting to feel sick. My throat is sore. My family has been battling illness. Plans have unraveled. My heart is still tender over news I did not want to hear. All of it wants to drag me into self-pity and frustration. But I'm fighting it, with every offering of thanks. 

Soon, I shifted to writing a list of things I was grateful for, and it grew faster than I expected.  By the time I finished, something had shifted. The pain hadn’t vanished, but it had lost its grip. I wasn’t denying what hurt; I was simply refusing to let it define the moment. That’s the power of gratitude. It doesn’t erase grief, but it prevents grief from becoming something corrosive. Bitterness cannot survive in grateful soil. It dies there.

Gratitude is a weapon that can pull us out of a dark pit more quickly than we expect, if we’re willing to pick it up. Even when we don’t feel like it. Even when our circumstances haven’t changed. At the end of the day, following Jesus has never been about doing only what feels natural or easy. Right now, He is calling me to be grateful, and I intend to obey. I don’t want to walk through this season without learning what He’s teaching me. His lessons may not always be comfortable, but they are always for our good. He wastes nothing, and He is faithful to turn even this toward something redemptive.

Loosen Your Grip

This week, as I’ve carried my heartbreak to the Lord, He has gently but persistently reminded me of something simple and profound: Follow Me. That sounds straightforward, but when you sit with it, it raises a much larger question. What does it actually mean to follow God when life hurts and circumstances feel unfair?

One of the most quoted verses in Scripture may help answer that. In Psalm 46:10, God says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Many of us hear that as an invitation to quiet our surroundings or calm our emotions. But the original Hebrew word behind “be still” (raphah) means something far more active. It means to loosen your grip. To let drop. To cease striving. The image is not of passive silence, but of surrender, like a soldier lowering their weapon because a greater commander has stepped in to take control of the battle.

That context matters. Psalm 46 describes a world in chaos: nations raging, the earth trembling, foundations shaking. It is precisely there, amid instability and fear, that God commands His people to stop fighting for control and recognize that He is sovereign and sufficient. The stillness He calls for isn’t withdrawal; it’s trust. It creates space to truly know Him, not just intellectually, but experientially.

That’s what He’s been asking of me.

Loosening my grip doesn’t mean pretending the pain isn’t real. It means refusing to let my heartbreak dictate my posture toward God. It means following Him not just in principle, but in practice. Right now, following Him looks surprisingly small and specific. It means returning to gratitude when I’d rather sit on the beach and feel sorry for myself. It means paying attention to what He’s asking of me instead of numbing myself with distraction.

Today, for example, He’s calling me to go to church.

I don’t want to. Everyone else is sick. I’d have to go alone. It would be easier to stay home, to justify my absence, to opt out quietly. But I know that’s not what He’s asking. Following God in this season isn’t about grand gestures or dramatic obedience. It’s about the small decisions, the ones no one else sees. Will I do what He says, or won’t I?

I may end up sick in the next few days. I may not feel strong or energetic or emotionally steady. But, the question isn’t whether circumstances will cooperate. The question is whether I will continue to follow Him with a grateful heart, even when letting go feels uncomfortable.

Loosening my grip doesn’t weaken my faith, it strengthens it. Because every time I release control, I’m reminded of who is actually holding everything together. And He has never once asked me to carry what was only ever meant to be His.

This is the week before Christmas, the fun, frenetic one.  The week of Christmas parties and last-minute shopping, of lists scribbled on scraps of paper and calendars packed just a little too full.

For us, it’s also a week of packing and preparation. Not for a frantic dash through theme parks this time, but for something quieter. Slower. We’re heading to Florida again, but instead of rope drops and reservations, there will be sand and water and rest.

This will be another Christmas that doesn’t look like the traditional Midwest holiday I grew up on. No gray skies. No bitter cold. No familiar routines. Instead, the four of us, my kids, now in their twenties, along with my mother, will board a plane and spend Christmas on the beach.

And while that feels exciting, and I am grateful to be able to do it, it also stirs something deeper.  Holidays are strange that way. They can be wonderful, and they can be incredibly hard.

Gone are the days of a “normal” family Christmas for us. In the first couple of years after my separation, my ex and I tried to keep things the same. We attempted the old rhythms, the familiar traditions. But the truth is, it slowly fell away. What once felt natural began to feel forced, and eventually, it simply stopped.

I had no idea how painful holidays could be until then.  I don’t know which is worse, spending holidays alone, or pretending they’re the same when everything has changed. Those early years after divorce ripped my heart open. Nothing screamed failure quite like a Christmas full of grief. The lights felt louder. The joy felt further away. Every song, every tradition seemed to underline what was lost.

If you’re in that place right now, I want you to know this: you are not weak for feeling it. And you are not alone.

Today, my life looks very different. I’ve embraced being single, not as something I’m enduring, but as something I genuinely love. I know that’s not everyone’s path, but for me, it has become a gift. I’m no longer waiting for my life to begin again someday, when something changes. My life is rich right now, exactly as it is.

But it took time to get here.  Those first few years were brutal. And yet, in a strange way, they clarified something for me. I never needed Jesus more than I did at Christmas back then, and He showed up. Every single time. In the quiet. In the ache. In the moments when joy felt out of reach.  I remembered what Christmas really means. 

Even now, I still feel a twinge of sadness during the holidays. Some memories linger. Some losses still ache. But I’m in a different place. A steadier one. A hopeful one.

This year, I’m actually looking forward to Christmas again, looking forward to watching my kids laugh, to sharing it with my mother, to experiencing the season in a way that’s new and unexpected and peaceful.

Family doesn’t always look the way we imagined it would.  But God really does set the lonely in families, sometimes in ways we never saw coming.  And this Christmas, I’m grateful for the reminder and the opportunity to listen for God amongst the quiet.

Elijah and The Voice (imagined by me)

Elijah was running for his life, not from an army or a battlefield, but from a message. From a very angry woman. Jezebel’s words had reached him like a blade carried on the wind, cold, precise, final. She had sworn that by this time tomorrow, Elijah would be dead. The prophet who had just stood on Mount Carmel, watching fire fall from heaven at his prayer, now found himself undone by a threat delivered quietly, efficiently, through a messenger’s mouth.

Fear has a way of doing that. It settles into the body before the mind has time to argue with it. Elijah’s heart raced. His breathing shortened. The certainty he had felt only hours earlier dissolved as the urgency of survival took over. He ran south, farther than he had planned, farther than he had intended, until even familiar ground gave way to wilderness and stone. By the time he reached Horeb, the mountain of God, he was spent, emptied not only of strength, but of hope.

There, he found a cave and retreated into it. The stone was cool beneath his hands, the air inside thick with the scent of dust and earth. The darkness pressed in, muffling sound and swallowing light. Even his breathing felt too loud, each exhale echoing back at him. He wasn’t resting. He was hiding, hiding from Jezebel, from danger, from the crushing weight of fear that had followed him all this way.

It was there, in that cave, that the word of the Lord came to him. It did not arrive with spectacle or force. It came as a presence, steady, near, unmistakable. A voice that did not bounce off the cave walls, but met him exactly where he was, as if it had been waiting.

“What are you doing here, Elijah?”

The question did not accuse. It did not hurry him toward an answer. It simply opened space for truth. Elijah responded from the place where fear had narrowed his vision and exhaustion had rewritten the story he was telling himself. And he spoke the words as they rose from his heart:

“I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.”

He believed it, even though it wasn’t true.  He wasn't the only one left. Fear had convinced him that he was alone, that the story was over, that faithfulness had led only to danger.

The Lord did not rebuke him for being afraid. He did not correct Elijah’s distorted view or remind him of what he had forgotten. Instead, the Lord invited him to step outside. He told Elijah to stand on the mountain, because He was about to pass by.

Elijah moved toward the mouth of the cave, and the air around him shifted, charged with something unsettled and expectant. Suddenly, a great wind tore through the mountain with violent force, ripping across the stone and splitting rocks apart. The sound was overwhelming, a roar that filled the valleys and rattled his bones. Dust and debris stung his skin and burned his eyes.

But the Lord was not in the wind.

Then the ground beneath him began to shake. The mountain groaned and lurched, as if it were breaking apart from the inside. Elijah braced himself, heart pounding, every muscle tense as the earth cracked and shifted beneath his feet.

But the Lord was not in the earthquake.

And after the earthquake came fire, fierce and consuming. Heat rolled across the mountainside, the sky glowing as flames swept through with terrifying intensity. Everything felt exposed, vulnerable, laid bare.

But the Lord was not in the fire.

And then, after all of it, there was quiet. The wind stilled. The ground settled. The fire faded into memory. The mountain itself seemed to exhale.  And in that stillness came a sound so gentle it could barely be called a sound at all, a whisper.

Elijah pulled his cloak over his face, not in fear, but in reverence. In the calm that followed the storm, the presence of the Lord settled in, unmistakable and near. Sometimes the whisper of the Lord is louder because everything else has finally gone silent. Because after the storm has raged, after fear has spent itself, after the earth has stopped shaking, we are ready.

We hear what we could not hear before. We notice the quiet and we cherish it.  The storms do not mean God was absent. Sometimes they prepare us to recognize Him when He speaks.

God did not explain the storms to Elijah. He did not justify the fear or answer every question that had driven him into the cave. Instead, He gave Elijah something far more practical, his next steps. A road to walk. People to anoint. A future still unfolding, even when Elijah could not yet see how it would all fit together.

And Elijah would go on. He would walk again, speak again, and pour his life into another prophet who would carry the work forward. His story did not end in the cave, it widened. It deepened. It continued. The God who met him in the whisper did not replace him; He restored him. The quiet place Elijah feared became the place where his strength returned, and the calling he thought he had lost was gently handed back to him.

The Still Small Voice

The story of Elijah has always fascinated me. The wind that tore through the mountain, the earthquake that shook the ground beneath his feet, the fire that consumed everything in its path, those moments must have been absolutely terrifying. And yet, as frightening as those forces were, I sometimes wonder if the most unsettling moment came afterward. After everything stopped. After the noise died down. When Elijah stood in the absolute stillness and heard a voice speak to him.

There is something deeply vulnerable about quiet.

You know, I love Christmas parties. Some of my favorite memories are wrapped up in noise and laughter and family. We are a family of card players, and I absolutely loved visiting my grandparents, sitting around the card table for hours on end. My grandmother cooking in the kitchen, the smell of food drifting through the house, presents tucked under the tree, cousins barely able to contain their excitement. Those moments mattered. Family matters. Celebration matters. I believe those things matter to God too.

But for a long time, I missed the deeper reverence of the season itself.

The true miracle of Christmas wasn’t loud or elaborate. It wasn’t announced with spectacle or fanfare. It was quiet. A birth in Bethlehem. God giving His Son, fully aware of what that gift would ultimately cost Him, and giving Him anyway. Before Christmas traditions existed, before it became an event or a season or a schedule to keep up with, God chose the stillness. A holy, holy moment.

And I think that’s where I find Him most often too.

I know God is always with me. But it is in the quiet, when things settle, when the noise fades, when I finally stop running, that I hear Him most clearly. Those quiet moments with God are the ones that strengthen me. They realign me. They steady my heart and gently set me back on the path I was meant to walk. Just like Elijah, nothing around me may change, but I do.

I am deeply grateful for a life that allows me to do things I once couldn’t have imagined, including spending Christmas in Florida this year. And no, you don’t have to travel anywhere special to find a quiet moment with God. But I can’t wait to sit by the ocean, to listen to the waves, to ask Him a few questions. To talk about the year that’s been and the year ahead. To think about my next steps and the path He has for me going forward.

I can’t imagine a better Christmas than that.

It was the obligatory Sunday in December, the one every church veteran recognizes on the calendar without needing a bulletin reminder.  It was time for the children's Christmas performance. The sanctuary was already humming when I slipped into my seat. Parents shifted anxiously in chairs, clutching phones primed for recording. Grandparents leaned forward with the kind of eager expectation only grandparents have. And somewhere backstage, church volunteers were doing the Lord’s work: wrangling preschoolers.

The first notes of the opener played, and out they came, a stampede of tiny, distracted, wiggly children in outfits their mothers probably ironed that morning. My favorite group every year. There is nothing quite like the chaos of preschoolers attempting choreography. Watching the volunteers chase them across the stage was pure entertainment.  They weren’t so much guiding children as herding them, like sheep, or maybe more accurately, like ranch hands trying to round up cattle that had absolutely no interest in heading the same direction.

But there was sweetness in the chaos, the kind that makes an entire room soften, smile, and whisper, bless their hearts. When the preschoolers were finally gathered and escorted off the stage, a small triumph worth applause all on its own, the first graders lined up in the wings.

That’s when I saw him.

A small boy in glasses, stepping carefully with the help of a walker. Not just any walker, this one was wrapped from top to bottom in Christmas lights. Tiny bulbs glowed against the metal frame, blinking softly as he moved. He looked like he was carrying a little piece of Christmas with him, illuminating every step.

He came out slower than the others, and my eyes locked onto him immediately.  The other children took their places in the center of the stage, forming their neat little rows. Arms ready. Smiles practiced. The music began, a cheerful, familiar children’s Christmas song. And as the motions began, so did the contrast.

While the others dipped and swayed and lifted their hands in unison, he stood slightly apart, feet planted, hands gripping the walker, glasses slipping just barely down his nose. But he sang, oh, did he sing. His little voice rose with the same conviction as any seasoned worship leader. And when his arms came up, they came up with effort and determination, like each motion was its own act of worship.

He wasn’t performing.  He was praising.  And the joy radiating from him, steady, unfiltered, wrapped itself around the room in a way that felt almost holy.  I watched him, this brave little soul, offering God everything he had, even though his body didn’t make it easy for him. And the thought came fast and clear:

Joy doesn’t come from us.

It can’t.  Because if joy were dependent on circumstances, that child would have had every reason to hold back, to feel small, to refrain. But he didn’t. He gave his whole heart.  He preached a sermon without saying a word.

As the music faded and the volunteers came forward to help him off the stage, those Christmas lights shimmered again, blinking softly as though winking at the entire congregation. And that’s when my heart broke open. Tears slipped down my cheeks before I could stop them.

A middle-aged mom, tucked safely into the third row, undone by a little boy with a walker wrapped in lights.  I prayed for him right there.  I prayed for his parents, for their strength, for their daily courage, for the unseen battles they must fight and the joy they must champion.

Sometimes the truest worship doesn’t come from the kids who can follow the motions perfectly…It comes from the child who has to grip a walker to lift his hands.  Sometimes the brightest light on the stage isn’t the spotlight above…It’s the string of Christmas bulbs wrapped around a little boy’s courage.

And somehow, watching him, I felt my own tired heart steady, reminded again that God plants joy in places we’d never expect, and it shines whether or not everything in our life is easy.

The Widow’s Story

She woke before dawn, long before the light touched the city.  Widows often woke early. Hunger doesn’t sleep long. It rattles the ribs, presses up into the throat, forces the eyes open no matter how exhausted the body feels. She lay still for a moment in her small, shadowed room, listening to the hollow quiet, the kind of quiet made by homes with no other hearts beating inside them.

Her husband had been gone for years now, and the emptiness had settled into the corners like dust.  She sat up slowly. Her joints ached the way joints do when stress and worry have settled there for too many seasons. On the small wooden shelf beside her mat lay the two coins she had saved: two mites.

Mites were the smallest of small things, thin as dried petals, light as cracked pottery chips, barely enough copper to matter.  Each mite was worth about 1/64th of a denarius, and a denarius was just enough to feed a working man for one day. Her two coins together wouldn’t buy a loaf of bread, not even the coarse barley kind baked on the street.

But they were all she had.

She cupped them in her palm now, feeling the cool metal against her skin, feeling how little weight they carried, how easily a breeze could lift them away. The coins made no sound when she closed her hand. They were too thin, too light for that.

Her stomach clenched, not from fear, though she had plenty of that.  But from hunger. Real, physical hunger that had become her unwanted companion.

To be a widow in her world was to live on the fragile edge of survival.  Her husband’s death had taken more than companionship; it had taken her protection, her legal standing, her ability to earn, her roof’s security. A woman could work in tiny ways, kneading dough, weaving flax, cleaning, but only if someone hired her, and that hadn’t happened in weeks.

There had been mornings when she skipped eating so she could stretch yesterday’s scraps into today’s hope.  There had been nights when she had prayed for sleep to come quickly so she could forget the ache in her belly. There had been days when she wondered if God remembered her name.

But this morning, she knew one thing clearly:  She needed to pray. Desperately.

She wrapped her shawl around her shoulders, the fabric thin from years of wear, soft from washing in the river, and stepped into the cool air. As she walked toward the temple, the city slowly woke around her. But she felt outside of it all, moving through life’s ordinary rhythms with the heavy awareness of someone fighting simply to survive.

As she reached the temple courts, the scale of it greeted her: towering walls of pale stone, sunlight beginning to catch the edges and make them glow. The courtyard was already buzzing.  Thirteen offering chests stood arranged like silent sentinels, bronze trumpets, wide at the top, narrowing downward. People gathered around them in a loose line.

The wealthy were hard to miss.  They walked with purposeful strides, robes embroidered at the edges, hands heavy with coins. When they tossed their offerings in, the sound rang out loud and sharp, metal clattering against metal. Heads turned. Eyes followed. Some nodded with admiration.

She had not seen so much money in months, maybe years.  Her hand tightened around her two mites.  For a brief moment, she hesitated.  I could keep one, she thought. Just one.

One mite wouldn’t solve everything, but it would mean something, a scrap of bread, a cup of figs, anything to quiet the ache in her stomach tonight.  She could give half to God and still feel righteous.

But faith is forged in these private moments, the ones no one else sees.  She took a breath, and it caught in her chest. She whispered a prayer beneath it.  She remembered all the stories she had been taught as a child, how God had provided manna in the wilderness, how He fed Elijah through famine, how He promised to defend the widow and the orphan.

If she believed these things, truly believed them, then this offering wasn’t loss.  It was surrender.

She stepped forward. Dust rose around her feet. The wealthy moved aside almost without noticing her. Her shawl brushed against her arms as she lifted her hand.  Her two mites glimmered briefly in the sun, looking impossibly small in her palm.

Then, she dropped them into the treasury.  They made almost no sound when they fell, no ringing clatter, no echo.  Just a soft whisper of metal against bronze, the kind of sound most people wouldn’t hear even if they were listening.

But Someone did.

Across the courtyard, sitting quietly with His disciples, was the Son of God.  He watched her walk forward.  He saw the tremble in her fingers.  He saw the hollowness beneath her eyes, the unmistakable mark of someone who had been choosing faith over comfort for far too long.  He saw the courage in the simple act of letting two tiny coins go.

And He knew what they cost her.  He knew her offering was not a portion, it was her whole life, her last bit of security, her last meal.

He called His disciples urgently, not to praise the wealthy donors they had admired, not to point out the large sums of silver that crowded the chests, but to declare a startling, holy truth that would echo across centuries:

“This widow has given more than all the others.”

More? They wondered.  How could this be?  Because her gift wasn’t measured in weight, but in sacrifice.  Her offering wasn’t counted in currency, but in trust.

She did not know that the God she prayed to was watching her that morning.  She did not know that her small, quiet act would be written into Scripture forever.  She did not know that her name, never recorded, would become synonymous with faith for thousands of years.  She didn’t know her story would be told even now, by a middle-aged woman in a modern church, moved to tears by a little boy with a walker wrapped in Christmas lights.

But I believe something deeply:  The God who watched her give her last two coins did not let her walk home hungry. Not then. Not ever again.  Because the God who sees the smallest offerings is also the God who sustains the weakest hearts and fills the emptiest hands.

What We Hold Back

It was one of those bitter, frigid nights when the air outside felt like it could crack, and the three of us sat together in our little apartment, warming our hands around mugs of hot chocolate. Somehow the conversation drifted to the widow with the two mites.

“Would you give everything you had,” I asked them, “if you were in her situation?”

They looked at me, waiting to see if I was serious. I was.  “What if you had two coins left?” I pressed gently. “Just two. Would you keep one for yourself… or would you give both?”

My daughter spoke first, her honesty disarming.

“I would hope I would,” she said slowly. “But… I’m worried I wouldn’t.”

I nodded. “Me too,” I said. “I hope I would. But it would be really, really hard.”

If I was being completely honest with them, and with myself, there have been very few times in my life when I’ve ever given sacrificially. Almost every gift I’ve ever offered has come from abundance. Exactly as Jesus described when He looked at the disciples and said that everyone else gave out of their surplus, but she gave out of her poverty.

Jesus basically said sacrifice is never measured by the size of the gift.  It’s measured by the size of what we hold back.  And that’s the part that stayed with me as I sat there talking with my kids.  Not the coins she gave, but the coin she didn’t keep.

She didn’t save one for her next meal.  She didn’t ration.  She didn’t calculate.  She didn’t protect herself first.  She trusted God with the part of her life she could not control.  And as I sat there on that cold winter night, the warmth of the mugs in our hands doing little to answer the question in my heart, I realized something else.

That widow reminded me of someone.  My mind drifted back to Sunday morning, back to the sanctuary, back to the stage, back to a little boy standing off to the side, gripping a walker wrapped in Christmas lights.

He hadn’t tried to hide his weakness. He hadn’t waited until life felt easier, or his body felt stronger, or his circumstances felt fair. He simply showed up. He sang. He lifted his arms as best he could. He praised God with the body he had been given, not the one he might have wished for.  He trusted God with the part of his life he could not control.

The widow and the child had done the very same thing.  One placed two tiny coins into the offering.  The other offered his voice, his presence, his joy.  Neither gave from abundance.  Neither gave what was easy.  Neither held anything back.

And maybe that’s the real lesson in all of this. Faith isn’t proven in what we give when we have plenty.  It’s revealed in what we’re willing to entrust to God when we don’t.

The part of our life that feels fragile.
The part that feels unfair.
The part we would fix if we could.

I guess the question isn’t whether we would give our last coin, or whether we would have the courage to sing on a stage with a walker wrapped in lights.  The question is simpler, but harder.  What part of our life are we still holding back?

Maybe it’s simply to notice, like Jesus did, where trust is hardest for us, and to bring that quietly before God. The place we protect. The place we ration. The place we keep one coin back, just in case. Because faith, I’m learning, often begins there, not with certainty, not with abundance, but with a small, trembling offering placed in God’s hands, trusting that He sees it, and that He will be enough.

I woke to fresh snow drifting past my window, soft, slow, and peaceful. Not the harsh, windy kind that stings your face and makes you regret ever stepping foot outside. This was the quiet kind of snow, the tender kind, the “I’m living inside a snow globe” kind. A beautiful, gentle blanket that makes the whole world feel hushed and holy for a moment.

I’ve always liked winter. I’m a mountain-winter kind of girl at heart. Yes, I enjoy beaches, but as a redhead I can only survive so long before the sun decides to make a meal out of me. Winter, though? Winter is a season I don’t dread, it’s one I settle into, one I genuinely enjoy. And it has officially arrived in full force.

Our Husky, of course, sees the snowfall as an invitation to pure, unfiltered joy. This is his weather. He howls with excitement at the door, thrilled to go outside and roll around like he’s auditioning for a snow-dog calendar. Meanwhile, the rest of us stand there freezing our tails off, waiting for him to do his business so we can sprint back inside. He doesn’t understand our lack of enthusiasm, and we certainly don’t understand his gleeful obsession with the cold, but it does make for some pretty hilarious moments.

Still, as much as I complain about standing there shivering, I love watching him in his element. There’s something deeply satisfying about seeing a creature absolutely alive in the environment they were made for. He belongs in the snow. He knows it. And he revels in every second of it, even if it means the rest of us end up begging him to please, for the love of all that is warm, come back inside.

And watching him, completely alive in the place he was built for, it struck me: that must be how we’ll feel in heaven with Jesus. Absolutely in our element. Doing the very things we were created for. Fully alive in an environment that finally matches who we truly are. Reveling in every second of it with the kind of joy that can’t be contained.

Scripture tells us we are not of this world, and there are days, especially lately, when I feel that so deeply. A quiet ache for something more. A longing for the place where everything in me will breathe, Yes… this is home. The place where I’ll feel as free as our snow-loving Husky, knowing I’m exactly where I’m meant to be, doing what I was made to do, and grateful for every moment of it.

The Transfiguration

The days leading up to the mountain were heavy ones, thick with words the disciples didn’t know how to hold. Jesus had begun speaking openly about suffering and death, and His followers didn’t understand it. Not really. Their confusion hung in the air, unspoken but unmistakable. You could see it in their furrowed brows, in the way their steps slowed when He talked that way, in the uneasy glances they exchanged when they thought He wasn’t looking.

So when Jesus invited Peter, James, and John to walk with Him up a mountain, they went without hesitation. They had learned long ago that they didn’t need to understand why He led them somewhere in order to follow. Something in them, something deep, quiet, instinctive, trusted Him. They followed because they wanted to. Because His voice had a gravity to it, a pull that felt like truth itself.

The climb was steep and slow, the early sunlight stretching thin across the rocky path. Their breaths grew shorter as they ascended, the air thinning with the altitude. Dust clung to their sandals. The world below grew smaller, quieter. Jesus walked ahead of them with an ease that didn’t match the terrain, steady and sure-footed, as though mountains had always been His element.

When they reached a flat place near the summit, the disciples likely thought they were there to pray. The silence, the height, the view, it all felt like a natural escape from the weight of the week.

But then everything changed.

Without sound or warning, Jesus’ appearance shifted into something entirely other. One moment, He stood before them looking like the teacher they knew, earthy, dusty, fully human, and the next, His face shone like the sun. Not just bright, but radiant. Light streamed from Him, not onto Him, as if the veil between heaven and earth had been pulled back and glory poured through the opening.

His clothes blazed white, whiter than anything earth could create. White the way lightning is white. White the way stars are white when seen up close.  The disciples were stunned, overwhelmed by a brilliance that felt alive.

Then Moses and Elijah appeared, towering figures of Israel’s story, standing in real flesh and speaking with Jesus. And it wasn’t a brief nod or a momentary greeting. They were in conversation. Engaged. Communicating with Him as if they were old friends reunited after a long separation. It was a meeting across time itself.  Law, prophecy, and Messiah were standing together on a mountaintop while heaven looked on.

Peter, undone by the moment, tried to grasp it in the only way he knew. He rushed forward with the idea of building shelters, places to stay, places to linger. Something in him recognized that he was standing in an environment he wasn’t made for yet but desperately wished he belonged to. Of course he wanted to stay. Of course he wanted to freeze the moment in time. To him, this looked like home.

But before he could finish speaking, a luminous cloud enveloped them. A cloud unlike any earthly mist, thick with presence, pulsing with holiness. The air felt charged. Alive. And then the Voice came.

“This is My Son, whom I love.  With Him I am well pleased.  Listen to Him.”

The power of it drove the disciples to the ground, faces pressed into the dirt. It was fear, yes, but also awe. Reverence. An instinctive response to a presence too great for human strength.  Then, slowly, the moment faded.  The brightness dimmed, the cloud lifted, and the air stilled.  Suddenly, it was quiet, almost eerie in its sudden calm.

And just like that, Moses and Elijah were gone.  Only Jesus remained.

He approached them gently, touched them, and told them not to be afraid. And then, as they gathered themselves, He instructed them not to tell anyone what they had seen until after He had risen from the dead. The words must have confused them even further, Risen? from what?, but they obeyed. 

The walk back down the mountain must have been difficult. Not physically, but emotionally. How do you return to ordinary ground after standing in the middle of glory? How do you process a moment where heaven opened and spoke? Scripture doesn’t tell us what their conversation was like on that descent, but if it had been me, my mind would have been running wild with a million questions, a thousand heartbeats of wonder, and probably not enough courage to ask the biggest ones.

But one thing is clear: the disciples walked down the same mountain they had climbed, 
yet they carried something entirely different inside them.  A memory of brilliance.  A glimpse of the Kingdom.  A longing for the place where they truly belonged.

The kind of longing that stays with a person forever.

In-Between Moments

A day later, the snowing has stopped now, but the cold remains. When the wind picks up outside, it is painfully sharp, the kind that pushes you back indoors without a second thought. Our dog has settled down now that the thrill of fresh snow has passed. Without a new blanket of white to lure him outside, he’s content to curl up and wait for the next storm.

Time felt suspended during the snowfall, like the world exhaled and everything quieted. But now that it’s melting, life snaps back into motion, regular schedules, regular obligations, the usual hum of responsibility. I love those in-between moments when the world slows down, when a good snow blankets everything and makes the ordinary look holy for a little while. Yet once it melts, it almost feels like it never happened at all.

I imagine that’s a bit how the disciples must have felt a few days after coming down from the mountain. How surreal the memory must have seemed. How easily a mind might question: Did I really see that? Did it happen the way I remember? It’s a good thing there were three of them, three witnesses to confirm the unfathomable, because if only one had seen it, they might have wondered whether it had been some kind of dream or vision.

But it wasn’t, it was real.  They saw the law, embodied in Moses.  They saw the prophets, embodied in Elijah.  And standing between them, they saw the fulfillment, Jesus, the Son of God, radiant with a glory the world wasn’t ready to contain. What an encounter.

How impossible it would have been to fully grasp in the moment. I doubt they understood the depth of what they were seeing until many years later, after the resurrection, after the teachings, after the pieces finally locked together into a breathtaking whole. Only then, looking back, would it make perfect sense: they had witnessed the story of Scripture converge into one brilliant, heaven-lit moment.

Wouldn’t you want to go back to a place like that?  To stand again where everything felt true and solid and unmistakably real?  To see it a second time, not to control it, but simply to behold it?  I know I would.

Perhaps Peter would too. Maybe instead of rushing forward with plans to build shelters, he’d just stand in quiet awe, letting the wonder wash over him.  

But life doesn’t let us stay on mountaintops, even the holy ones.  My alarm is set for 5:30 tomorrow morning. The streets are cleared. The world is moving again. And it’s time, time to return to work, to routine, to the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

Yet somewhere deep inside, the longing remains, the memory of moments when heaven feels close, when joy feels native, when we catch a glimpse of the world we were made for. Moments that remind us that even as we step back into ordinary days, we belong to something far more extraordinary.

Thanksgiving created a short workweek, and honestly, I needed it. I’m still shaking off the sickness I brought back from Florida and the exhaustion that has been piling up for weeks. We didn’t have big Thanksgiving plans, mostly because everyone seems to be sick right now, but I didn’t mind the quieter version. I actually welcomed it.

There’s something funny about Thanksgiving. It’s supposed to be about gratitude, but half the time we’re too busy prepping big meals and trying to create the perfect family moment to actually be thankful. And if we’re being honest, a lot of holidays are spent trying to make imperfect families feel perfect for a day.

So when everyone had to bow out this year, I didn’t feel the usual disappointment. I love my people dearly, but the slower pace felt like a gift. It ended up being just me, my mother, and my kids, and I didn’t hate that one bit. It felt manageable. Peaceful. Human.

We even sat down and watched nearly the entire Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, something I genuinely don’t remember doing since childhood, if ever. And in that slow, quiet space, I finally had room to think about what I’m truly thankful for right now.

And can I tell you? God has been so incredibly good to me. When I think about my lowest point, the unraveling, the heartbreak, the way grief and anger twisted themselves into knots I thought I would never untangle, I am overwhelmed by how far He’s brought me. Walking through the tragedy of a divorce nearly broke me. I truly believed I would be swallowed by my own anger and crushed under the weight of what I had lost.

God pulled me out of that pit. A deep, messy, suffocating pit. He put my feet back on solid ground, on real ground, on His Word. He gave me my mind back when it felt scattered into a thousand pieces. He restored my relationships. He steadied me. He has been faithful in ways I could never deserve.

But here’s the thing no one likes to talk about: Even after God pulls you out of a pit, there are days when it’s tempting to climb right back in.

Sometimes something small triggers me, and before I even realize it, I’m right back in those weeks after the separation, angry, raw, hurting all over again. My anger can rise up like it never left. And in those moments, God has to remind me: This ground is too hard-fought.

It’s holy.  It’s sacred.  It’s ground He strengthened me to reach.

When you’ve walked through something like that, when God Himself has hauled you out of darkness and steadied your feet, you don’t throw away that progress. You don’t trade the healing for the illusion of control. God and I have been through too much. He’s brought me too far.

I have my kids. I have my mother. I have a handful of relationships that matter deeply. And if you have that, whatever your “family” looks like, and you have your health? You are rich. Truly rich.  And yet, I still remain most faithful for not being in the pit.

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such blessings, but the Lord keeps pouring out His faithfulness anyway. And this year, in the quiet and the slowness, I’ve finally had the space to see it clearly.

The Pit

He knew they were angry, but he hadn’t expected this.

Jeremiah’s feet scraped against the stone floor as the guards shoved him forward, their hands rough and impatient. He could hear the muttering above, the officials, the ones who had grown tired of hearing God’s warnings. They wanted him silenced. Erased. Buried without bloodshed.

A cistern would do the job.

Jeremiah looked over the edge and felt his stomach twist. It was deep, deeper than he expected. A narrow throat of worn stone dropping into darkness. No ladder. No footholds. Only a ring of faint light at the top and the stale breath of earth below.

He didn’t fight them because that would only make it worse.  And besides, he had learned long ago that obedience to God often put him in places that didn’t make sense.  But knowing that didn’t make the fear any less real.

The ropes scraped against his arms as they lowered him. Not gently. Not carefully. Just enough control to avoid killing him outright. Jeremiah’s sandals brushed against the wall, searching for something solid, but the stone was slick. He swung helplessly in the shaft, turning slow circles, the light narrowing above him.

And then he felt it, the mud.  His feet broke the surface with a cold, sucking sound. He sank immediately past his ankles. Then his calves. The ropes slackened until they were useless, dangling beside him. When they finally let go, Jeremiah plunged deeper, swallowed to the knees by the mire.

He tried to lift his foot, but it didn’t move.  The mud held him like a fist while the darkness closed around him. The smell was sharp, damp earth, rotting vegetation, old water that had long since dried up, leaving only the residue of decay. The walls sweat with moisture. Every sound echoed strangely, the drip of condensation, the shifting mud, his own breath coming quicker now.

He reached up, fingertips brushing the empty air where the ropes had been. They were already gone.

Above him, their voices grew faint.  “Let him die there, he deserves it.”

Then the grating slam of a stone cover slid back into place.  Jeremiah stood alone, waist-deep in cold muck, with nothing to lean on, nothing to climb, nothing to brace against. His legs trembled with the strain of holding still. Any movement made him sink farther. The mud made a slow, gurgling sound around him, as though the earth itself was swallowing.

Panic came in waves.  He tried to swallow it. He tried to breathe. But the helplessness was overwhelming. He thought of the prophecies he had spoken, words God had set on his tongue like fire, and wondered if this was how they would end, unfulfilled, washed away in a pit where no one could hear him.

Hours passed. Maybe more. His muscles burned. His voice weakened. The world narrowed to breath and darkness and the constant pull of the mire. There was no path out, no strategy, no escape.  Only God.

And then, footsteps.  Soft, careful footsteps. Not the hurried stride of officials or soldiers, but these were different.  Then, a man’s voice, trembling with concern, filtered through the narrow opening above.

“Jeremiah, the king has sent help.”

The man's name was Ebed-Melek.  Jeremiah felt tears sting his eyes. A foreigner. A servant. A man with no political power had risked everything to speak up for him, to plead for mercy, to obey God in a palace full of fear.

Ropes dropped down into the darkness, but along with them came a bundle.

“Put these cloths under your arms,” Ebed-Melek called down. “So the ropes don’t hurt you.”

Jeremiah held the rags in his hands, soft, worn, smelling of age and dust. Such a small thing. Such an unnecessary thing, in the eyes of the world. But it told him everything:

God was not rescuing him carelessly, God was rescuing him tenderly.  Jeremiah wrapped the cloths under his arms. The ropes tightened. Pain shot through his shoulders, but it was a good pain, pain that meant upward movement, pain that meant hope.

The mud released its grip reluctantly, sucking at him as though unwilling to give him back. Inch by inch, he rose. His legs scraped against the walls. His breathing came hard. But he rose.  Through each painful breath, light grew stronger, air grew warmer, and voices grew clearer.  Until finally, his feet hit stone.

Solid ground.

He collapsed to his knees, trembling, filthy, exhausted, but free. Above him, Ebed-Melek’s face appeared, etched with relief.

Jeremiah knew no one climbs out of a pit like that alone. You don’t find solid ground without the hand of God. You don’t get rescued with rags unless the One who rescues you cares about the bruises no one else can see.  And once you’ve felt the weight of the mud, once you’ve known the darkness of the pit, once you’ve been lifted by grace you did not earn, you never forget it.  

You never take that ground for granted.

Thanksgiving In The Quiet Places

I just returned from a six-day vacation at a very large theme park.

You can probably guess which one.  Let’s just say there were fireworks, parades, sugary drinks with glowing ice cubes, and enough themed lands to make your head spin long before the rides did.

And honestly? It was wonderful. Truly wonderful.

There’s something about walking through those gates that makes you feel eight years old again. The music, the colors, the costumes, the little pops of imagination that show up in the most unexpected corners. Everywhere you look, there’s a detail someone cared about. A story someone built. A world someone dreamed.

The technology alone left me shaking my head more than once. Animatronics that blink and breathe like real creatures, rides timed so perfectly you forget gravity is even a thing, lands that look like someone carved a piece of a movie set straight out of the screen and dropped it into Florida soil. I just kept thinking, People made this. Human minds actually dreamed all of this up and then figured it out.

It’s astonishing what we’re capable of sometimes.

But here’s the thing no brochure warns you about:  you can absolutely over–theme-park.

And we did it. We went too hard, too fast, too long.  By day three, we were running on fumes and churros.  By day five, even the cheerful background music sounded like it needed a nap.  And by day six? Well, by day six I officially wore myself and my kids out. And my apologies to bystanders who witnessed me limping toward a bench with the desperation of someone looking for an oasis in the desert.

On that last evening, I had one ride left on my wish list. One big finale. The kind of ride you talk about for months afterward. I was determined, but my body had other opinions. Somewhere between the crowds and the travel and the sheer over-theme-parking of it all, I came down with a head cold that flattened me at the finish line. I wanted to push through. I really did. But I hit a wall made of tissues and exhaustion and the realization that I am, in fact, a human being with limits.

Still, as I bandaged my blistered feet and downed my cold medicine, I had this moment.  This strange little moment in the middle of the neon and the noise.  I looked around at all the people laughing, at the sky-high buildings themed within an inch of their lives, at the engineering marvels disguised as whimsical adventures.  Surprisingly, it wasn't a thought of regret over missing my big ride.  Instead it was:  

I miss God.

Not because He wasn’t there, He was. He always is. But because nothing around me pointed back to Him. Everything was beautiful, but the beauty wasn’t anchored. Everything was joyful, but the joy wasn’t eternal. I found myself longing for something I couldn’t put my finger on. Something familiar. Something holy.

In the middle of the crowds, the sugar, the music, the lights, I missed the One who gave me the ability to feel joy in the first place.  And I started imagining, because my mind does that, what it would be like if all this human creativity, all this imagination, all these talents were used for one purpose: to honor God.

Can you imagine a theme park designed around worship instead of entertainment?  Not cheesy. Not forced. But breathtaking. A place where every color, every sound, every story pointed straight back to the Creator of everything beautiful.

I know it would never happen here. But I wondered, What about heaven?  Will there be places like this, only better?  Places where man’s imagination isn’t limited by physics, budgets, or sin? Where creativity is pure, and joy doesn’t run on a schedule, and every experience teaches you something deeper about God’s heart?

What if there’s a “ride” that lets you experience the parting of the Red Sea, not as a spectacle, but as worship? Not as a thrill, but as awe? What if there’s something even better, something beyond what we can imagine because our imaginations down here only scratch the surface of what they were originally designed for?

I don’t mean to make Bible stories feel casual. That’s not my intent. I just find myself wondering what God-honoring creativity will look like when it’s finally unhindered. When all of humanity’s gifts are restored and perfected and pointed in the right direction.

Because as much fun as the week was, and as many memories as we made, there were moments I felt this ache, this homesickness, for my forever home.  Scripture says God knew us before we were born. Maybe that’s why the longing feels so familiar, because somewhere in the beginning, before our first breath, our souls knew His presence in a way we haven’t fully experienced since.

I know Him now, but heaven will be something else entirely.  A fullness. A wholeness. A joy that doesn't fade with exhaustion or crowds or head colds.  And no theme park on earth, no matter how magical, will ever come close.

A Glimpse of Glory

John sat alone on the rugged coastline of Patmos, the island Rome reserved for men they feared or wanted to erase. Patmos wasn’t a place people visited, it was a place people survived. Its hills were sharp and unforgiving, its stones hot under the sun, its nights cold enough to make old bones ache. The wind came off the Aegean in sudden gusts, sometimes gentle, sometimes cruel, always carrying the scent of salt and isolation.

John’s hands, weathered, scarred, and marked by a lifetime of following Jesus, rested against the rock beside him. He was old now. Much older than he had ever expected to be. His beard had turned white, his back had grown stiff, and he often woke in the night with memories he couldn’t outrun: the face of Jesus on the cross, the empty tomb, the flames of persecution, the cries of believers hunted and killed.

Patmos was quiet, but not peaceful.  It was the quiet of exile, of being pushed out, cut off, unwanted.  And yet John prayed, because prayer wasn’t a duty to him.  It was a breathing memory.  It was the thread that connected him to the One he loved more than life itself.  He prayed to the Jesus he once walked beside in dusty streets, the Jesus whose laughter he had heard, whose miracles he had touched, whose robes he had leaned against during the Last Supper. He prayed to the Jesus who called him “beloved.”

And then, without warning, the veil lifted.

One heartbeat John was staring at the stubborn blue of the sea.  The next, he was swept into a realm no mortal words could shape.  A voice, not a whisper, not a human call, but a sound like a trumpet, spoke his name. It didn’t echo. It resonated. It filled the space around him like light fills a sunrise.

John turned, and everything changed.

Before him stood One like a Son of Man, familiar, yet beyond recognition. There was no mistaking who He was, but this was no longer the Jesus who walked the earth in humility.  His eyes burned with flame, not anger, but purity so fierce it revealed everything and hid nothing.

His feet glowed like bronze refined in a furnace, as though He had walked through suffering and come out victorious.  His voice thundered like rushing waters, like every ocean wave John had ever heard multiplied into music.  His face shone like the sun in all its strength. Looking at Him felt like looking at glory itself.  John, who had seen miracles, who had seen Jesus raise the dead, who had stood at the foot of the cross, fell at His feet as though dead.

But Jesus, still Jesus, reached out His right hand and touched him.  The same hand that once broke bread, the same hand that lifted Peter from the sea, the same hand that carried the scars of love rested gently on John’s shoulder.

“Do not be afraid.”

Strength filled John’s bones again. Vision returned. And suddenly, majestically, he was taken higher.  He found himself in the throne room of heaven.  A throne not carved by man, not adorned with jewels found in earthly mines, but radiating with glory itself.

Upon it sat the Almighty, beyond form, beyond comparison, His appearance like jasper and carnelian, colors so intense they seemed alive.  Around the throne was a rainbow, not thin or distant, but full and encircling, glowing like emerald light woven into living air.

Lightning flashed, not chaotic, but controlled, declaring God’s power.  Thunder rolled, not frightening, but announcing His majesty. Seven blazing lamps stood before the throne, the fullness of God’s Spirit shining.

And stretching out like a great expanse was something John could only describe as a sea of glass.
Clear. Still. Untouched by wind, storm, or time.  John, the fisherman, the man who once battled waves on the Sea of Galilee, stood before a body of water finally at peace.

Around the throne were living creatures unlike anything earth had ever seen. Covered in eyes, wisdom, perception, unending awareness, they cried day and night, not in monotony but in worship:

Holy, holy, holy
is the Lord God Almighty,
who was, and is, and is to come.

Every time they cried out, twenty-four elders fell to their knees, casting their crowns, surrendering every honor, because in the presence of God, even glory bows.

John saw colors he had no names for.  He heard sounds that weren’t music, but worship made audible.  He felt the atmosphere pulsing with holiness, love, justice, mercy, power, all at once.  He saw a world where God is not distant or questioned, but central. Where light comes not from a sun but from the Lamb. Where nothing decays. Nothing threatens. Nothing dies.

He saw the world we were made for.

And he wrote it down, not to give us a puzzle to solve, but a promise to cling to.  Through John’s eyes, we get to see what he saw:  the home our hearts recognize, the glory we long for, the God who will one day make all things new.

The Journey Home

We awoke early the final morning of our vacation.  It was still dark outside, the kind of dark that feels deep and heavy, indicating morning was still hours away. The room was quiet except for the soft hum of the air conditioner and the rustling of suitcases being zipped shut. Our flight was early, painfully early, and we had squeezed every last drop out of the night before. We’d stayed in the theme park until closing, determined to make the most of our final hours, which meant we’d slept only a few hours at best.

We had enjoyed ourselves. Truly. We’d laughed, we’d ridden rides, we’d eaten more sugar than any human body is designed to process, and we’d made memories I’ll treasure. But we were exhausted, physically, mentally, emotionally, and I was sick. The head cold that had been stalking me finally settled in, heavy and unmistakable. My body felt like it was waving a white flag.

Leaving felt like relief and sadness holding hands.  The magic had faded.  The sugar high had long since evaporated.  Reality was waiting at the airport, along with crowds, security lines, luggage, and the nagging worry of wondering whether we’d packed our liquids correctly or were about to donate all our toiletries to TSA.

We stepped out into the humid Florida morning and said goodbye to the palm trees, their silhouettes swaying gently against a sky that was only beginning to lighten. There’s something iconic about those trees, something that whispers vacation and sunshine and escape. But as we slid into our Uber, I felt something else too, a strange emptiness I hadn’t expected.

I have been to countless theme parks in my lifetime.  They feel like an American rite of passage, summer trips, family outings, childhood nostalgia wrapped in churros and fireworks. But I’ve never felt an emptiness in the middle of them like I did on this trip.

But in a way, I’m grateful for it.  I always want to long for my Savior.

As we drove toward the airport, headlights reflecting on wet pavement, I found myself thinking not about the rides we hadn’t gotten to, or the shows we missed, or the souvenirs we didn’t buy, but about home. Not just my own bed, though that sounded heavenly at the moment, but my forever home.

I look forward to the day when I get to explore the wonders of His creation for eternity. I love exploration, and learning, and seeing new things. My heart comes alive when I discover something beautiful or fascinating. And the thought of an eternal life where that never ends, where boredom doesn’t exist, where every moment reveals something new and breathtaking, fills me with such joy.

Not to mention being in the presence of the Savior Himself.  Finally knowing what perfect love actually looks like, and feels like.  How can you not be excited about something like that?

John saw it for himself.

Can you imagine being John, sitting on an island meant for exiles, surrounded by silence and salt spray, and suddenly being transported into a place so beautiful, so overwhelming, so utterly beyond anything the human mind can dream up? Standing in the midst of God’s story, seeing eternity unfold before your very eyes?

And then, being sent back.

I think about the adjustment he must have faced returning to that barren island. One moment surrounded by glory, the next staring again at stone and sea and loneliness. In my heart, I believe Jesus saved this vision for John toward the end of his life. Because can you imagine the longing he would have battled if this had happened when he was young? If he had decades left on earth while holding the memory of heaven so vividly in his mind?

It was mercy.

John loved Jesus so very, very much. And that’s how I want to live my life too.  I am certainly nowhere close to the great Apostle, but I understand that kind of love, at least in small ways. I understand the loyalty that grows when you know you are truly and wholly loved. When grace has changed you. When the Savior has reached into your life and claimed your heart.

And in the end, heaven is going to be the biggest reward of all.