I love to travel but five years ago, I stopped.  My life had disintegrated. The divorce left me in a terrible financial position, without even a full-time job. My kids were hurting. My son was in a battle for his life. Travel, once a joy, felt like a distant, unreachable dream.  So I stayed home, and I was glad to do it, because I didn't want to be anywhere else.

But now, now things are different.  My son is healthy. My daughter just graduated from college. (How do the kids keep aging while we somehow stay the same?) The dust has settled. The transition I recognized in my last post is starting to feel real.

Quietly, beautifully, the world has started calling my name again.  It’s not just about seeing new places. It’s about rediscovering myself in the process. Travel has a way of opening doors, external ones - yes, but also the ones that quietly creak open inside your soul. The ones that had been shut out of self-preservation.

I’ve started one of my favorite parts of any adventure, the meticulous planning. I know that might sound tedious to some, but to me, it’s part of the joy. After all these years, I’m planning my first international trip.

I renewed my passport. I’ve been watching YouTube videos like a student cramming for an exam. I’m even picking up the basics of the language, just enough to say hello, thank you, and maybe find a cup of coffee.  The destination? I’ll share that soon. But for now, it feels good just to say: I’m going. Not someday. Not when everything is perfect. But in a few months.

There’s something sacred about reclaiming joy.  Not chasing it, not forcing it, but noticing when it starts to return like sunlight after a long winter. I’m not the same person I was five years ago. I’ve carried sorrow. I’ve navigated survival. But maybe that’s why this joy feels different, hard-won and deeply rooted.

Planning this trip isn’t just about flights and itineraries. It’s about saying yes to life again. It’s about allowing myself to anticipate beauty. To believe that wonder still waits around unexpected corners. To remember that I’m allowed to feel light again.

Reclaiming Joy

Coming back from Florida hasn’t been a soft landing. It wasn’t a gentle glide into routine, instead it was a running leap straight back into the noise of everyday life. Work. Chores. Errands. Emails. Laundry. All of it, slapping me in the face all at once with the smell of dirty socks.

I miss the beach. I miss the waves, the easy rhythm of a town that didn’t know or care what day it was. I miss the friendly people, the kind that smile at you just because they can, not because they're rushing to their next appointment. There are friendly people here too, but something changes when you're on vacation. You're unhurried. You're not counting minutes. You're not buried in deadlines.

My sweet mom, who has quietly battled depression for so many years, said something on this trip that I’ll never forget. She looked over the water one morning and said, “This place makes me feel like I want to live again.”

I knew exactly what she meant.

It wasn’t just the beach or the sunshine. It was the freedom to breathe. To be. To feel the lightness of living without the weight of the world pressing down on your shoulders. In that sleepy little town, we weren’t just resting, we were restoring. It gave us both life. She left that place just as full as I did.

Maybe that’s why I’m already planning the next trip. It’ll be a few months from now. I’ll need to save up. I might go alone, but I don't think I'll be getting through that airport without my mother with me. It will be just us, the sound of the waves, and a quiet little dock at the edge of the world.

If there’s one theme God echoed through the sound of those waves to me, it’s this:

It’s time to let go.

Letting go of pain, yes, but also letting go of control.
Letting go of trying to hold everything and everyone in place.

My kids are getting older. They’re needing me less in some ways and differently in others. I feel the ache of that shift more than I expected. My mom is aging too. She’s changing, and so is our relationship. I’ve spent so much time holding tightly to what was. But I know God is whispering now, “It’s okay to let go.”

Let go of the past.
Let go of trying to make things stay the same.
Let go of roles that are no longer yours to carry.

This isn’t a loss, it’s transition. Transitions, though tender, are sacred ground. They are the places where God meets us with fresh grace, with new purpose, and with gentle reminders that He is not only the God of what was, He is the God of what’s next.

The truth is, you can’t move forward while clinging to the past. And God knows that I love to do some clinging like Saran Wrap.

So I’m learning to let go.
Of roles that are changing.
Of expectations that no longer fit.
Of old hurts I’ve carried too long.

Because forward is the only direction He walks.
And I want to go with Him.

Ruth’s Calling

Naomi was from Bethlehem in Judah, a place known as “the house of bread.” But when a severe famine struck the land, the irony was painful. There was no bread. No harvest. No security. So Naomi and her husband, Elimelek, left Bethlehem behind with their two sons and crossed into Moab, a foreign and often hostile land, just to survive.

There, in Moab, Ruth’s story begins.

She was a Moabite woman, and she married one of Naomi’s sons. Likely in her late teens or early twenties, Ruth expected a simple life filled with family, tradition, and the quiet rhythm of routine. But famine had already disrupted one family line, and loss was about to unravel another.

And the losses came, boy did they come, one by one.

We don’t know how or why the three men died.  Scripture doesn’t tell us if they suffered from disease, starvation, or if a tragic accident struck them down together.  Maybe some grief is too heavy for explanation.

What we do know is this:
In a cruel wave of loss, it was all gone.

First Naomi’s husband died.
Then both of her sons, Ruth’s and Orpah’s husbands, died too.

They had been in Moab for about ten years.  Ten years of shared life. Ten years of building a future.
Ten years that Ruth surely imagined would lead to children, stability, and growing old alongside her husband.

And now, all of it was undone.

Then came word from the old country.

“Naomi heard in Moab that the Lord had come to the aid of His people by providing food for them…”
—Ruth 1:6

The famine in Bethlehem had finally lifted. The Lord had visited His people again and He was restoring the land.

So Naomi made the decision to return home. Not because she had hope, but because she had nothing left to lose.  Grief pressed her forward. Hunger pulled her home.  But she had no idea that God wasn’t just restoring crops in Bethlehem, He was restoring her story, too.

In that culture, widows were among the most vulnerable. A young woman with no husband and no sons had little hope for stability or security. The socially acceptable thing for Ruth to do was to return to her father’s house and hope to remarry one day. It would have been logical. Sensible. Safe.

And scripture takes us into a moment where Naomi encourages her to do just that.

The dust was swirling around their sandals as they walked the road to Bethlehem.  The tears carved quiet paths down tired cheeks.  Three widows standing in the middle of a road, with nothing ahead but uncertainty and nothing behind but loss.

Naomi stopped walking.

She turned to the two young women beside her, daughters by marriage, bound now by shared grief. She looked at their faces, still soft with youth, still full of potential. And maybe in that moment, she realized what she could not bear: dragging them into a future she no longer believed in.

Her voice cracked as she spoke, equal parts love and lament.

“Go back,” she said. “Turn around. Go home to your mothers. May the Lord show you the same kindness you’ve shown to me. May He grant each of you rest... in the home of another husband.”

Then she wept.  Not just for what she had lost, but for them. For what they still might find if they let her go.  Naomi saw nothing ahead for herself but bitterness. But she refused to let her emptiness steal their hope.  Her story, she believed, was over. But theirs didn’t have to end with hers.

Orpah listened, heart torn. She cried. She clung.  Finally, she kissed Naomi goodbye and turned back, back to the world she knew, the language she spoke, the life that had once been hers.  Who can blame her?  I probably would have done the same.

But Ruth didn’t move.  She stayed rooted in the dust and heartbreak of that moment, looking at Naomi with love.  Naomi tried again to urge her away, but Ruth’s spirit had already crossed a line.  She was not going back. 

Out of the stillness, Ruth spoke words that would change not only Naomi’s story, but her own, and eventually, the world’s:

“Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you.
Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.
Your people will be my people and your God my God.
Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried.
May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”
—Ruth 1:16–17

This wasn’t just poetic. It was a holy vow.

Ruth didn’t just cling to Naomi, she clung to God.  She surrendered certainty for obedience.  She let go of comfort for the sake of calling.  She released the life she thought she’d have in order to walk into the one God had chosen for her.

And here’s the beautiful thing:
Ruth couldn’t have known at the time that her decision to stay would change history.

I’m sure in that moment, she simply knew she was being called to stay with Naomi. To walk with her. To trust God.  But she couldn’t have imagined why.

She didn’t know she would one day glean in Boaz’s field.
She didn’t know she would marry him, bear a son, or become the great-grandmother of King David.
She didn’t know her name would be etched into the lineage of the Messiah.

She only knew that God was asking her to go, and she went.  Ruth’s story is proof that God doesn’t just meet us in our surrender, He blesses it.  He weaves our letting go into legacies we can’t begin to imagine.

Maybe that’s what He’s doing with me, too.

The Transformation

The old roles, the shifting relationships, the future I thought I’d have isn’t being taken from me.

It's being transformed.

Maybe the letting go is how God makes room for something eternal.

But in time, every one of those hopes was fulfilled, just not in the way she expected.

By following God’s call, Ruth stepped into a story she never could have written on her own. In Bethlehem, she met Boaz, a man of integrity and compassion, a kinsman-redeemer who not only provided for her but loved her. There’s no trace of conflict or regret in their union. Everything about their story points to quiet joy, mutual honor, and God’s blessing.

Together, they built a life.
Together, they had a child.
Together, they restored not just their future, but Naomi’s as well.

And through that child (Obed) Ruth became the great-grandmother of King David. Her obedience didn’t just rebuild her life, it helped shape the very lineage of Jesus Christ.

That’s what God does.  He takes the ashes of our plans and turns them into foundations for things we can’t even see yet.  Ruth’s story didn’t end with her husband’s death. 

It was resurrected.

Transition is so often God’s tool for growth.  It shakes us, stretches us, and sometimes breaks us, but only so He can remake us.

Life is always changing. That part isn’t optional. But how we walk through that change, that’s where trust lives. That’s where faith blooms. That’s where God meets us and whispers, “I’m doing something new.”

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
—Isaiah 43:19

And so I’m learning, day by day, to open my hands.
To let go of what was.
To trust God with what is.
And to believe, like Ruth, that even the changes I didn’t choose might be the very soil where legacy is planted.

There are few things in this world more healing than sitting beside the sea.

The sun is beginning its slow descent, casting a golden glow across the waves.  The temperature is perfect. I am here, barefoot, watching that sunset stretch its colors across the sky like a watercolor painting in motion. I wish I could stay in this moment forever. Surely heaven will hold many scenes like this, only more vivid, more permanent, more whole.

One of my goals this trip was simple: see dolphins. Real ones. Not from a dock or a distant pier, but up close. So I booked an excursion called “Swim with Wild Dolphins.” And to be honest, I didn’t know what to think. These aren’t trained dolphins performing on cue, they’re wild, and sightings aren’t guaranteed. The best you can usually hope for is a fleeting glimpse as they pass you by.

Our captain was a former sports coach, a man with a whistle, a stern tone and a no-nonsense attitude. He barked out rules like we were in preseason drills, but it became clear he knew what he was doing. He told us that if we followed his instructions, we might get lucky. He added, “If they turn around and interact with you… well, that’s a lucky day.”

And wouldn’t you know it.  Luck showed up for us.

We headed into the Gulf, where the water shimmered in emerald hues and the shoreline was powdered with white sand. Before long, we spotted them. Not one, not two, but dozens of dolphins. While most tours hope for a single leap or two, we experienced something altogether different. The dolphins were playful, really playful. They weren’t just swimming near us; they were interacting.

Initially, I was nervous. Wild animals. Open water. I’m not exactly at ease swimming next to something large, fast, and alive (especially when my brain starts whispering “sharks” every other second). But the second I dipped my face into the water and watched those dolphins circle me, laughing, leaping, spinning, I forgot the fear entirely.

At one point, five of them surrounded us, weaving through us like overgrown toddlers in a game of tag. They slapped their tails, made playful clicks, and nudged each other with what could only be described as dolphin mischief. I laughed, really laughed. The kind that bubbles up from somewhere deep and reminds you what joy feels like.

Even our rule-loving captain was impressed. He said it was one of the most interactive groups he’d ever seen.

Every time I climbed back onto the boat, dripping and exhilarated, I couldn’t help but look back at the water with a full heart. What kind of God cares this much? What kind of Father orchestrates a sea ballet for a mom and her kids on vacation?

The answer, of course, is ours. The kind who delights in delighting us. The kind who knows that sometimes what we need most is not a miracle of provision or protection, but a miracle of joy.

And here’s how I know it was more than coincidence: we went back just a few days later. Same place. Same boat. Same time of day. And this time, not a single dolphin. They were gone, maybe out to sea, maybe hunting, maybe just doing whatever it is dolphins do when they’re not putting on a show. But I wasn’t disappointed. 

God had chosen that day. That moment. He knew how much joy it would bring me, how much sheer delight I would carry from interacting with those incredible creatures. And He knew I needed it.

This isn’t my first time in this part of Florida. I’ve rented the same house before. Same beaches. Same sleepy little town where time slows down and sand clings to your ankles long after you’ve left the shore. And every time I come, I find myself thinking, “It probably won’t be as magical as last time.” But every time, it is. And somehow, it’s even better.

There’s something sacred about the simplicity here. Drinking coffee on the back deck with my mom, watching the birds glide over the water. Sunrises that nudge you awake, and sunsets that seem to tuck you in. It's slow. It's quiet. And slowly but surely, it’s becoming my place. The place I go to breathe again.

I tell people I come here for a break, but the truth is, I come here to be put back together.

Five years ago, my world cracked wide open. A fire. Then my son’s cancer came back. Then divorce, layered over grief, over fear, over exhaustion. When so much hits at once, the mind doesn’t just heal because the calendar says it’s time.

But this place in Florida, it helps. There’s something about the rhythm of the waves and the hush of the wind that makes space for God to speak. And He does.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know you don’t need a beach house to find healing. I know God can meet you in a crowded waiting room or a prison cell. Just ask Paul and he would tell you healing isn’t tied to scenery. It’s tied to the Savior.

But still, God knows me. He knows that here, surrounded by salt air and sunshine, my heart is soft soil. He meets me in the middle of dolphin dives and quiet mornings. And He keeps healing me, layer by layer, moment by moment.

Healing is Layered

Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

I used to think healing meant moving on. Getting over it. Reaching a point where the pain no longer followed me around like a shadow. But I know better now.

Healing, as it turns out, is layered. It doesn’t arrive all at once like a lightning bolt.  It comes slowly, gently, sometimes painfully. It’s one layer at a time. And often, the deeper the wound, the more delicate the healing.

When I first came to this little beach town, I didn’t know how much I still needed to process. I thought I just needed a break. But with every visit, I find myself peeling back another layer of grief, or fear, or weariness I didn’t know I still carried. It’s not always obvious. Sometimes it shows up as restlessness. Sometimes as tears I can’t quite explain. Sometimes as a deep breath that finally feels like it reaches my soul.

Five years ago, so much unraveled at once. At the time, I didn’t know what to do except survive. But surviving isn’t the same as healing. Survival builds walls. Healing gently takes them down, one brick at a time, and lets light in again.

This place, this simple, quiet, salt-air place, has been the backdrop for God’s work in me. Not loud or dramatic. Just slow and sure. A little more peace this year. A little more clarity. A little more freedom from the weight I didn’t realize I was still carrying.

And I’m learning not to rush it.

God doesn’t. He’s not standing over me with a stopwatch. He’s sitting beside me with tenderness and time. He’s not asking me to “be okay.” He’s just asking me to keep coming to Him. To keep letting Him into the places I’ve been afraid to revisit.

Because healing isn’t about forgetting what happened, it’s about allowing Him to redeem it. And that kind of work… well, it takes time. Holy, intentional, beautiful time.

Just like the body doesn’t bounce back after surgery, the soul doesn’t bounce back from trauma. When you’ve been cut deep, you don’t leap to your feet the next morning. You ache. You rest. You wait. The swelling has to go down. The tissue has to knit itself together. Even when the scar forms, it stays tender for a while. And the deeper the wound, the longer the healing takes.

So why do we expect our souls to be any different?

Why do we tell ourselves to move on, hurry up, get over it, as if grief is something we can schedule or rush?

Jesus never rushed the wounded. He didn’t shame the broken for not bouncing back. He knelt beside them. He touched the untouchable. He gave time, dignity, and space for healing.

And He does the same with us.

So if you're not “there” yet (whatever “there” means), if you're still aching, still healing, still rebuilding, know this: you’re not behind. You're in process. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Because real healing takes time.

And you're not doing it alone. 

Redemption, Not Erasure

Healing isn’t about forgetting what happened.
It’s about letting Jesus redeem what happened.

Sometimes we think the goal of healing is amnesia, to erase the pain, rewrite the past, pretend it didn’t happen. But that’s not the way Jesus works. He doesn’t erase our stories. He rewrites them. He takes the ashes and makes beauty, not by pretending the ashes weren’t real, but by creating something more beautiful because they were.

I think about Mary Magdalene.

We don’t know her full story, what led her to the place where seven demons held her in their grip. But we know enough to understand this: she wasn’t just hurting. She was tormented. Her mind, her body, her very being, were hijacked. She had no control. No peace. No escape. She likely said and did things no one would ever want remembered. She knew evil in a way that most of us will never comprehend.

She wasn't just a woman with a troubled past, she was a woman drowning in darkness.

And then, He came.

Jesus didn’t flinch. He didn’t look away. He didn’t require a backstory or an apology. He walked right into her chaos, right into the very place others had abandoned. He spoke, and with the authority of heaven in His voice, the darkness lost its grip. The demons that had ruled her life fled at His word.

And for the first time in who knows how long, she was free.

Can you imagine the silence after? Her mind no longer spinning. Her limbs no longer trembling. Her heart no longer hijacked by a force she couldn’t name. Just stillness. Just breath. Just presence.

Jesus didn’t just cleanse her. He restored her. He gave her back her dignity. Her identity. Her future.

And that’s the part that undoes me: she didn’t just get delivered. She got chosen.

Of all the followers, of all the people Jesus could have revealed Himself to first after rising from the dead, He chose her. Mary. The one who had been the most broken. The one who had known torment. The one who had tasted evil and now stood face-to-face with Glory.

She was the first to hear her name spoken from resurrected lips: “Mary.”

Not Peter.
Not John.
Mary.

“Go and tell them… I’m alive.”

Isn’t that just like God?

The more shattered the past, the more radiant the redemption. The more complete the unraveling, the more extravagant the restoration. Mary Magdalene was living proof that the places evil has touched most deeply are often the very places where God pours out His most lavish grace.

That’s redemption.

Not erasure. Not denial. Redemption. The kind only Jesus can do. The kind that doesn’t require forgetting our worst chapters but allows them to become the setup for our most powerful ones.

I’ll never fully understand why certain things were allowed in my life. I won’t pretend the fire, the diagnosis, or the heartbreak didn’t leave marks. They did. But the longer I walk with Him, the more I see: He’s not trying to delete those chapters. He’s weaving them into a redemptive arc I never could’ve written on my own.

And maybe, just maybe, He’ll let me tell someone else He’s alive because of it.