The alarm went off at 6:00 a.m. I had an hour and a half commute into work, but I am just not a morning person. I pulled the covers over my head, trying to ignore the noise. However, eventually logic won over, and I made the decision to actually put my feet onto the floor and start the day. Against my own wishes.
The bedroom windows lit up as a streak of lightening flashed across the sky. Even though I was expecting it, I still jumped at the roaring thunder that followed. That one was close. An early morning thunderstorm was in full force, and I wondered how the drive into work was going to go today.
Nevertheless, I love the rain. I also especially love a thunderstorm. While most people may hate driving in a storm, I don't mind.
I got ready, fixed myself a quick breakfast, and got into the car. The storm had subsided somewhat, and the rain fell continuously, but not the violent downfall I'd watched an hour earlier. I enjoyed the overcast skies as I pulled out of my driveway, turning on my wipers. I left the radio off, listening to the sound of the downfall hitting the car.
As I began to drive down the highway, I remembered why I always like the long commutes into work. God and I have some very good conversations while I'm driving, and it can end up being a very peaceful time for me. So, I wasn't surprised when my mind drifted to a few things I need to work on personally.
I still have forgiveness to work on surrounding my divorce. I have made a lot of strides in this area, but struggles related to it still infiltrate my mind on a daily basis. Its a very difficult area for me, and I didn't want to think about it too long, to be honest. I decided to rethink my decision on the radio.
I turned on a Christian podcast, choosing one at random. I'll let you guess what the topic was.
It was an interesting discussion around forgiveness. God is so subtle sometimes.
I listened for a while, and it presented forgiveness in a new way to me. The speaker mentioned forgiveness is a decision, but it doesn't immediately change how you feel. The emotions and healing take time. But, eventually, the mind will follow the decision.
That made me feel a little bit better, since I have my days - okay many days - where my emotions get the better of me.
Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
I continued to drive while considering the concept. Perhaps I'm experiencing the emotions involved with healing, but it doesn't mean I am refusing to forgive. It means the emotions need time to follow the decision. Maybe, just maybe, I could be less hard on myself around this topic and give myself some time. The rain intensified. The water was so loud I could no longer hear the podcast, so I shut it off.
God, I prayed, I don't want anything coming between you and I. Including unforgiveness.
That's the thing, isn't it. Forgiveness isn't really about the other person. Its about our relationship with God. Every time we forgive someone, God is proud of us because it displays the heart of Christ. It also includes the awesome side benefit of bringing peace into our lives. So often the path to peace involves doing what's hard, but the reward is worth it.
Thirty minutes later, the storm let up. I could see the dark clouds in the rearview mirror, but I was driving into the light.
As always, my drives with God are very enlightening.
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