Our yard needs to be mowed.  Being on vacation for a week was wonderful, but we returned to a bit of a jungle for a yard.  We live on several acres, so my son's weekly job is to mow our acreage with our riding mower.  

Today was the first day without rain, so the time was here to finally tackle the yard.  He started up the John Deere mower around 10:00 this morning, and within thirty minutes, he came back inside.  The grass was so tall that he needed to put another attachment onto the mower to pick up the cut grass off the yard.  Otherwise, it was collecting under the mower, causing the mower to slow down and struggle.

The attachment was in Grandpa's shed.

Now, I should forewarn you that Grandpa's shed is a collection of all interesting artifacts he's collected over the years.  He pulls things out of various places that he finds valuable.  One man's trash is well, Grandpa's treasure.  The only problem was the mower attachment to pick up the grass was in the back of Grandpa's shed.

Alex sighed.  "This is going to be terrible getting it out of there."

His sister offered to help him, much to his relief.  They managed to rearrange things and spent the next twenty minutes or so retrieving the attachment from the back of Grandpa's junk collection.  Normally, Grandpa would have helped with this particular project, but he is visiting my brother, so he's out of town.

As Alex brought the attachment out of the shed, he must have dropped the connecting bolt somewhere in the yard.  After looking for it, he came inside and threw himself onto the couch, defeated.

"I can't find the bolt.  Leeza and I have both looked."

"Grandpa has a magnet in the shed," I said.  "Give it a try in the areas you think you dropped it."

Twenty minutes later, Alex threw himself onto the couch again.  "The magnet didn't work.  I'm going to go through his toolbox to see if I can find another bolt."

As I returned to my office to work, I received a text about twenty minutes later from Alex.  "I found a replacement bolt.  I am going to start mowing again."

I congratulated him and watched him make a few passes through the yard with the grass catcher on the back.  It all seemed to be working fine.  But, then, I heard the mower shut off.  I stepped outside, but I didn't see Alex.  As I walked around the yard, I found him, on his knees praying behind the back fence.

"You okay?" I asked.

"The mower stopped working."

I walked over to the mower.  Sure enough, it would start but it wouldn't go forwards or backwards.  I popped the hood to check the fuel filter, but it looked fairly clean.  That was the end of my knowledge of mowers, so I put the hood back down. 

"I'm sorry.  Do you want to come inside?"

"No.  I need to empty this catcher.  I was just praying for some help is all."

I wished I had more mechanical knowledge.  Situations like these are so hard, especially for a teenage boy who just needs some help.  It was out of my league, so I thought about how to call a lawnmower repair service as I walked back inside.  

I picked up my phone once I got back to my office.  I had a missed call and a voicemail.  I pushed play.  It was from my other brother. 

"This is the sibling lawnmower service.  I hear you have a broken down mower and wondered if you want me to take a look.  Call me back."

I called him back.  "How did you know?"

"Alex texted Grandpa.  Grandpa called me.  I'm home today so I can come over if you want."  

"Alex," I said as I ran into the back yard.  "Help is on the way.  Your uncle is coming over."

Alex broke into a large smile.  "Okay!"

My brother and nephew showed up about twenty minutes later.  We had high hopes they would fix the mower, but they couldn't figure out the problem.  Regardless, they helped Alex push it back into the garage and they helped him put the attachment back into Grandpa's shed (a monumental task).  It was a big encouragement to have help come along, and their humor was welcomed by Alex after a long, hard day.

Sometimes we just have days where nothing goes right.  No matter how hard we try, things seems to fall apart.

But, being willing to be an encouragement to others, even when we can't fix the problem, is pleasing to God.  My brother didn't have to come over to push a big mower around in the heat.  Truth be told, he probably doesn't know a lot more about mowers than I do.  But, he knew Alex was struggling, so he showed up.

Luke 6:38  Give, and you will receive.  Your gift will return to you in full-pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over.  

Sometimes, all God asks us to do is show up and do what we can.  He will do the rest.

Today, I'm thankful for my brother with the big heart.

Last week, I was blessed to enjoy some time on the Florida coast.  We stayed in a condo that was within walking distance to the beach.  It was a fun vacation.  The kids would roll out of bed, put on their swimsuits, and head for the water.  It was their first real experience with the ocean, and they had a wonderful time playing in the water.

My favorite thing to do was to sit on the balcony of condo and watch the waves.  They're really mesmerizing.  One evening, I watched a storm roll in over the ocean, and as the sky turned dark, the waves grew in size.  I snapped lots of photos of the amazing sky over the water. It made me feel so small to look in multiple directions and see nothing but water.  

One morning, I got up early and I brewed a fresh cup of coffee.  I was being as quiet as possible, trying not to wake the kids.  I snuck out onto the balcony with my coffee and journal and stared off into the horizon.  The sunrise over the ocean was absolutely beautiful.  I must have sat there for at least an hour, just watching.  I didn't think about work.  I didn't think about my divorce.  I didn't think about any of my problems.  I just marveled at God's creation.

I felt him whisper I love you even more than this.  I looked in every direction and saw nothing but an infinite amount of water.  How is that even possible, I wondered?  From my vantage point, the ocean went on forever.  But, His love and His grace are even greater.  I don't fully understand a love like that.

I cried for a long time on that balcony.  I suppose that's a normal reaction to God's love.  I think tears are appropriate.  But, I just felt so much gratitude for my Savior.  

I wrote down a lot of things in my journal on the balcony.  The pages are still tear-stained.  One thing I wrote down was "God never agreed to give me up to my problems 24/7.  Never.  He understands the time comes when we need to work through our problems, but we weren't meant to stay focused on them all of the time.  Don't let these things overtake your mind.  You can begin to release strongholds in your mind if you set your mind on heavenly things."  

Psalm 31:3 You are my rock and my fortress; and for your names sake you lead me and guide me

Eventually, the kids woke up and joined me on the balcony.  We began our day together, and it was a wonderful day with ocean waves and families laughing.  We saw sea turtle nests.  We collected sea shells.  We nursed a few sunburns.  We fell into bed exhausted, but happy.  

I laid in bed that night, listening to the ocean waves.  Thank you, Lord, I whispered,  Your love is such an extravagant gift.  

I received some bad news about my health today.  It isn't life-threatening, and I'll spare you the mundane details, but it will probably require surgery.  All things considered, the news could have been much worse. 

So, I have no idea why I reacted with tremendous sadness, as if the news were much worse.  As I was driving in my car, leaving the doctor's office, I felt God whisper to me "We will face this together".  Up until that moment, I really hadn't let myself register the news.  I simply was going back to work, trying to finish my commitments for the day.  But, then His kind words seeped into my mind, and the wave of tears hasn't really stopped all day.

Single parents can relate.  We don't have a lot of support going through a health issue.  We need to protect our kids, and we're the sole earner of income, so sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves isn't really an option on the table.

But today, God reminded me that He fills the void.  I don't have to go through it alone.

I wrote down some advice to myself today, a reminder to be kind to myself.  Perhaps if you're going through a health issue, too, you'll find it useful:

God will face this with you.  You can take your time grieving it and processing it.  You don't have to pretend this is good news, or that it could have been worse.  God knows you are heartbroken.  He will heal your wounded heart if you give it to Him.  Its okay to cry over this.  Its okay to let yourself really hurt over it.  You can acknowledge this is hard and love yourself while going through it.  God will love you through it, too. 

You live in a human body and its okay to be sad when it fails.  Someday, God is going to give you a new body, and it will be healthy.  He will heal everything that is wrong in heaven -  just you wait and see!  There will be no pain, no more.  God sees your tears, but remember, He's going to make all things new.  That is a promise from God, and He doesn't break his promises.  He views a promise as an unbreakable vow.

He loves you so dearly.  If you don't feel loved through this, remember there's simply not enough love in the world to meet your needs.  This is why you need God.  Its the only way you're going to find enough love.  It won't come from food, social media, your ex, or even your family.  They will try, but they won't be able to meet all of your needs.  Only God can, and it makes the bond between you and Him so very special.

God is literally the only one who understands you.  He is the only one who can heal you.  He loves restoring you.  He loves making things new.  He will restore your broken heart.  He loves that you have chosen Him and He is so proud of you for turning to Him, time and time again.  His love has the power to heal.  

Work to let yourself grieve things that are hard.  Let God provide the love you can't find from this world.  Trust him to make all things new.  

What an amazing force God is.

All of the prayers were answered for Alex last week.  The scan came back with no new cancer.  There's very slight growth on an old tumor, but nothing to worry us in the immediate future.  What a relief.  

With good news in our pockets, we excitedly boarded flights to Florida last week.  A vacation has been on the agenda for a while, and some ocean time was just what I needed.  We spent the first three days in an oceanfront condo, and I slept so hard I awoke each morning not fully certain where I was.  That's a special kind of sleep, and I can safely say I haven't slept that well in years.

The last three days, we decided to brave the insanity of the theme parks in Orlando.  I enjoyed going to Universal Studios much more than I anticipated.  I walked around, looking at the park, with almost a childlike wonder.  It is truly amazing what man can create (even though it pales in comparison to God's creation).  I enjoyed the rides tremendously, and I even tolerated the crowds, allowing myself to slow down and enjoy the day.

Towards the end of the second day, the kids decided to ride a roller coaster with an exceptionally long line.  I declined to go on the ride, since my feet already hurt from a day of walking around.  They left their phones and other loose items with me, and I gave them instructions where to meet me.  The app showed an hourlong wait, so I waited an hour for them to return.

Then I waited another fifteen minutes.

Then, I waited another twenty minutes.

I started to panic, pacing near the ride, knowing there was no way I could find them in the crowds.  Since my daughter is visually impaired, and my son doesn't think clearly when he's tired, my mind began to rehearse a difficult scene.  What if they were disoriented after they got off the ride and went the wrong way?  What if they forgot where I told them to meet me?  

I asked the attendant if he'd seen them.  No, was the reply.

My heart was pounding.  I started to truly wonder how I was going to find them.  I berated myself for stupidly taking their phones.  I didn't want them to fall out on the ride, but now they had no way to contact me.  I prayed.  Lord, please let us find each other.  

Soon, a man walked by me and I looked at his shirt.  It had a large cross on the front.  The cross was a capital "T" and the remaining letters filled to the right of the cross.  r-u-s-t.  Trust.  I looked at him, and he nodded at me.  "Enjoy your day," he said.  "I like your shirt," I responded back.

He disappeared into the crowd.

I decided to check the souvenir store one last time.  If they weren't there, I was headed to guest services to see if I could have them paged.  I worried about that, too, because they might have found that confusing as well.  So, this Mom was incredibly relieved to see two familiar faces walk through the door of the gift shop as I was exiting to guest services.  

"The line was forever!" Alex said.

"We also stopped to buy a picture," Leeza showed me.

I picked it up with shaky hands.  "Mom, are you okay?"

"Well, I've been freaking out for the last thirty minutes."

They had no idea how long they'd been gone and they felt terrible for standing in line to purchase a photo while their mother was increasing the count of gray hairs on her head.  

But, when it was over, I was reminded of God's presence.  In the moment when I was sure I was going to have a heart attack, I was not alone.  God took the time to use a random stranger's t-shirt to remind me that He is always with me, and He had all of my circumstances under his control.  All I need to do was, well, trust.  Just like the shirt said.

He is so faithful.

I've been studying about something called the root of rejection.  The premise is rejection happens to all of us.  Sometimes when we're very young, rejection is particularly painful, and we internalize the rejection.  For some, the pain of rejection is so deep that it drives people pleasing and perfectionism.  After all, if we're perfect, then it should ensure that no one ever rejects us again.

Except the world will reject us again.  

The new rejection causes more pain.  So, we try harder to be perfect.  We fail, and become angry when we can't be as perfect as we should be.  

Then, we act out in our anger.

We become rejected again.

So, we try harder to be perfect.

The cycle continues over, and over.  Soon, the root of rejection is so ingrained in us that it drives a whole new level of perfectionism.  The hurt of rejection becomes so deep, we seek acceptance in anyone and anything.  That's when life really goes off the rails.

When we absolutely need acceptance from someone as a result of this cycle, we're actually deifying the person we are seeking.  The need for acceptance consistently from another human being will always end in us getting hurt and rejected again.  The only real acceptance we need is Christ's.

And we have it.

Romans 15:7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

I can recall several situations of severe rejection in my life as a child and teenager.  These incidents, even if they're small, really stay with you.  A child who experiences rejection doesn't understand the rejection isn't their fault.  They automatically believe something is wrong with them, and they begin to internalize all of that pain.

Even as an adult, the rejection of divorce is devastating.  But, its particularly devastating if you already have a root of rejection in your life.  I think that's a big part of why some people can move on more quickly from divorce than others.  The root of rejection is powerful if carried over from childhood, and particularly devastating when it is reinforced by those close to you, whom you have trusted.

The root of rejection is really a root of pain.  It is a root of punishing yourself for someone else's problems.  It manifests in the form of self hatred for not meeting absolutely impossible expectations.  Its a consistent setup for failure. 

Even Jesus was rejected by the world.  We know there wasn't anything wrong with Him.  Yet, we blame ourselves deeply when we're rejected by the world.  

To put an end to this harmful line of thinking, our goal can never be to elevate ourselves by pleasing others.  Our goal must always be to live out God's will for our lives.  

God has promised us favor, yet we tend to still seek acceptance from the world.  We're looking for acceptance when we already have it in Christ.  We need to believe Christ accepts us.  His love for us has the ability to heal all of this, if we can truly believe we are fully loved and accepted by the God of the universe.  

We need to focus on the acceptance we have, rather than the acceptance we perceive we need from the world.  We can never get this anyway, it is an unobtainable goal.  

We are not perfect.  

Thank goodness we have a God who is.

I have a stressful week ahead.  Sometimes when things get like this, my mind explodes in worry.  I worry about finances.  I worry about work.  But, this week, my stress levels are up for a particular reason.

Its time for my son's cancer scan.

Parents of cancer kids can probably relate.  There's absolutely no peace before a scan.  There's also a weird phenomenon where I begin to look for any signs the cancer has returned.  Typically something completely minor can become a reason for me to believe he's on the verge of a complete relapse.  A cough?  He's dying.  A headache?  We need to go to the emergency room.

So, I am doing my best to keep my crazy under control.

I've got a few other stressful events this week.  Sometimes when things pile up, one on top of another, you can be sure the devil is setting his snare.  I know it won't take much for me to get to the point where I'm convinced I have so many problems I can't think straight.  

Today, I cried out to God, telling Him I've got to have some relief from my anxiety.  I am tired of losing my peace to all of these events that just keep stacking up on me, over and over.  I want peace in the storm.  But, I feel like I am just holding on through it.  I need to find a way to change my focus.  

Jesus has something to say about this:

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

My focus can't remain on my problems.  For a time, yes, I need to talk to God and understand what He wants me to do.  However, once I've taken these things to the Lord, I have to begin to trust Him.  I'm learning to set time aside to talk to the Lord and deal with these things.  

The pressure I'm feeling is actually God's, not mine.  He's promised to take care of me.  

Psalm 55:22  Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.

If God tells us to give our burdens to Him, then our problems are actually His.  He will guide us through them, leading us to the best solution.  We can bring them directly to Him.  He has all of the answers.  When we do this, yes, it is possible to be in a place of trust.  

It is possible to be in a place of peace.  He delivers on His promises if we can just believe Him.  We might even experience some joy in this season of our lives.  Crazy, but true.  This week could be viewed as a week for God to show His power.  I could look forward to seeing what He's going to do, and how He's going to show up for me.  I can be excited to see the creative ways that God is going to display His love for me.  I could be expecting miracles.  

Perhaps this is why Paul said to consider it pure joy when you go through trials. 

Perspective is a powerful thing.  Perspective fueled by trust is life-changing.

We can trust God and His heart.

I get nervous every time I have to show leadership.  I have several events this week that require me to show a tremendous amount of leadership.  Everything will go fine, but it won't keep me from worrying.  Do you ever get tired of battling dread?  Do you ever get tired of being insecure?  Isn't it stressful questioning your decisions, replaying all of your faults?  When I don't stay close to God, every day is a replay of my greatest misses - my greatest failures as an individual.

But, the truth is, God works his greatest miracles in my weaknesses.  He is the God of hills and valleys.  When I struggle, He will work his greatest victories.  Dread never takes into account the Christ of our valleys.  Dread is based on a miscalculation.

Replaying your faults is a waste of your time and energy.  It feeds the beast of dread.  We can defeat this beast with Christ.  

When we start to realize how much God loves us, we can start to accept ourselves as God has created us, instead of hating ourselves for what we perceive as faults.  The truth is, God is proud of you.  He cherishes each day with you.  He looks forward to days with you.  He is real, and His love for you is the most powerful force in the universe.  You were created because God loves you.  

Our power to defeat any adversary lies in love, whether that is love for God or love for others.  Jesus' power came from love.  Most never experience the true power of love because we are caught up in people pleasing and sin.  But, we have the capacity to experience total power and victory through Christ, through living a life of love.  We should always keep moving towards this goal.

Can you imagine the transformation in our lives if we truly, truly knew how loved we are?  You wouldn't believe your own strength.  God's love provides an endless source for us, an ability to truly live a life of love.  But, our life follows our focus.  If our focus is on money and wealth, then our focus will be on how to obtain money and wealth.  But, God is love.  If our life is focused on God, then our lives will be focused on love.

We cannot imagine the depth of love God has for us.  I dare you to put yourself out there and truly love without fear of getting hurt.  What if we honestly let our light shine?  What if we weren't afraid?  We would only become stronger.  We would lose all insecurities because we no longer have to live for our own gain - needing everyone around us to pat us on the back and constantly tell us they love us.  It is no longer needed to have anyone's approval, because we have the only approval that matters.

Instead, we would be free to enjoy life.  Love frees, and God wants us to live a life of freedom.  He loves us so much.  He's ready to break our chains.

Let's do it.

Fourth of July around our house is a big deal.  Other members of my family host Christmas and Thanksgiving, but I usually host the 4th.  We have fireworks, games, and lots of food.  We decorate cakes in red, white, and blue and we hang flags everywhere we can hang a flag.  Our entire city celebrates this way, with parades and fireworks that go on for days.

So, it was a bummer when I got a call on Friday night from my son.  "I'm not feeling well."

One Covid test later confirmed our fears.  He was positive.   I especially hate it when my family members are ill, but when it happens to a kid who has battled cancer twice, it requires some special handling.

Of course, he wasn't upset that he has Covid.  He was upset to miss the 4th of July party.

I sent out a mass text with the news.  My father mentioned he'd been feeling dizzy lately.  Another test confirmed the second member of our family with Covid.

The 4th of July party wasn't meant to be, so today's been an exceptionally quiet 4th.  My son has been sleeping most of the day, so we've been quiet (except for the fireworks going off all around us).  I haven't felt well, either, and I'm hoping I'm not in for the same fate.  Thank goodness for my daughter who has taken care of both of us today.  

I'm frustrated.  I'm worried - really worried - about my son.  I'm worried I am sick, too, and I can't take time off of work this week.  I'm concerned about my father.  I pout while I hear everyone else having a great time on the 4th.  They're all setting off fireworks, while we are under our blankets trying to sleep and keep up with our cold medicine.  Slowly, today my thoughts began to spiral downwards, towards a pit of self pity and anxiety.

Lord, please help me to see the good in this.  

The good Lord gave me an answer he gives me often.  

Gratitude.

An attitude of gratitude ends anxiety.  I need to be grateful my party is cancelled, especially since I don't feel great today.  I need to stay close to the Lord during my times of struggle.  Today gave me the opportunity to do just that.  Instead of decorating cupcakes, I livestreamed a church service I missed yesterday.  I can be mad that I'm not lighting fireworks, or I can be grateful that we have warm beds to rest in, and medication to help us get better.  God always takes care of me, so if I have Covid, then I know he'll manage my commitments.  I don't need to dwell on it.  I can trust Him.  I can choose to be grateful.

1 Thes 5:18 Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Today, while I stayed in bed, I watched a sermon about the apostle Paul.  He gave thanks in the worst of circumstances, while chained in prison.  Yet, he never asked that people pray for his comfort. Instead, he always asked that God would give him opportunities to spread the gospel.

Sometimes God knows how to drive a point home.

If you're struggling like me, both mentally and physically, I am so sorry.  You need to care for yourself, and the best way to do that is to stay close to God during your time of struggle.  He has meaning and purpose in all things, and every time we draw close to him during our struggles, He is so proud of us.  

He loves us so much.

Alex is in full swing of his teenage years, and his day didn't coincide with my plans.  He was moody and struggling.  He knew he was battling his own demons today, and much to his credit, he asked for some help.  Talking him through his crisis absolutely exhausted me.  I could feel everything getting ready to implode on me, just a heartbeat away.

I don't have it in the tank to give today, God.  Please replenish me and give me compassion for him.

I decided to take the kids on a country drive.  I thought perhaps a change of scenery would help Alex, since I didn't seem to have much else to offer.  As we drove around the lake and several plots of farmland that surround our area, all of began to relax and feel peaceful on the drive.  

I felt nudged by the Lord to pull over to the side of the road.  I stopped at a cornfield that was next to an empty field, with a path between the two.  The empty field was dry and cracked, and not much was growing except for weeds.  The cornfield next to it was lush and green, with food growing as far as we could see.  

I'd recently watched a video on YouTube where Beth Moore described taking a trip to Africa to help feed the hungry.  She asked what programs were in place for further help to the starving population, and the leader of her group told her there was a farming program in place.  But, they faced one problem.  The people were so starved they would eat the seed itself rather than plant it for a long term harvest. Their immediate need was so desperate, they would consume the seed and find themselves right back in their same desperate need.

Standing between an empty, lifeless field and a plentiful field, I told the kids the story.  I showed them when they choose to sow the seed of the Word of God into their lives, they look like the plentiful cornfield inside.  But, when they choose to "eat the seed", meaning they heard the Word but don't allow it to change their choices or their lives, then they'll look more like the desolate field.  They won't see the result of planting the seed the same day they plant it.  In fact, deciding to really plant the seed is a difficult choice. But months later, look what can grow.  How incredibly exciting to think of the harvest!

We rode home in relative silence.  I knew Alex was deep in thought, but something I said must have landed.  He did much better for the remainder of the day.

Sometimes I have to be reminded to let Jesus fill in the gaps.  Results are God's responsibility, but faithfulness is ours.  I may never know whether today truly had an impact or not, but all God asks of me is to simply lead my kids to Him.  He will take it from there.

God also reminded me today that He makes what I have last.  When it feels like I am not enough, God says that I have enough to get through this.  He reminds me I will make it through.  He will give me enough for whatever comes.  God's grace is sufficient for me and His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

Even when I'm not enough, God is enough.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.

I sat in the church pew, listening to the pastor speak comforting words at my aunt's funeral.  It was an exceptionally sad funeral, and my uncle's tearful words about his wife didn't leave a dry eye in the house.  I looked down at the funeral brochure, and the immediately read the Bible verse on the top of the page:

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters.

It certainly caught my attention, considering I just had a powerful encounter with God around this verse the day before.  God led me to still waters briefly the day before, but one day we will get to rest by still waters for eternity.  That's where my aunt is, and one day we will be there, too.  Your story, if you are in Christ, has a really good ending.

The graveside service took place outside in 107 degree heat.  It felt like a furnace.  As we stood, sweltering in the heat, a van pulled up and an elderly woman got out with a walker.  She was wearing a dress and a hat was fastened to her head.  She must have been in her nineties.  As soon as my uncle saw her, he rushed over to help her navigate her walker through the grass of the cemetery.

We found her a chair, even though she offered to stand.  "I'm not family," she said, "family should have the chairs."

Our family quickly disagreed.  There was no way we were going to sit while she stood in 107 degree temperatures.  She was a friend of my aunts, and she wanted to be sure she paid her respects.  As soon as she heard the news of my aunt's passing, she said she began to call for rides to make sure she could attend the graveside service.

We should all have such good friends.  She had no business being in that type of heat, but you would have never known it.  She nodded and said amen while the pastor said the final words of goodbye for my aunt.  Afterwards, she shook hands with the family even though she must have been terribly uncomfortable.

Years of obedience to God is really spectacular.  As I watched her, I thought about how this is probably the way she lived her life, putting others first.  Our love for God and our love for each other is the most important thing to Him.  All He really wants is for us to love Him, and out of that love do the best we can to serve and obey Him.  In the midst of unrelenting heat, she was an example of this to me.

I couldn't help but wonder when was the last time I put myself out to this extent for a friend?

As we left the service and climbed into the car for the long drive home, I asked my kids how they were doing.  "I'm so glad we came," my son said, sweating through his suit.  "It was important."

"Mom," my daughter said, "I want to spend more time with our extended family."

I smiled, knowing she was starting to see the things that truly matter in life.  God can use the oddest situations to teach the most important lessons. 

He loves us so very much.

I continue to battle the calendar this week.  Today, amidst the myriad of accelerated deadlines, I also had a doctor's appointment.  I didn't want to cancel the appointment, because it would take forever to get another one.  So, I began work at 6 a.m, which would allow me to leave by 7:30 for my appointment and stay on track.

As I logged in over my steaming cup of coffee, my inbox popped up with a surprise e-mail.  One of my deadlines for today had been extended until Monday.

Wow.  Thank you, Lord.

I worked on a few other items until it was time to leave at 7:30.  While I was driving to the doctor's office, my phone rang.

"Hello Rhonda, the doctor has been called into an emergency surgery and she needs to reschedule for next week.  Is this okay?"

"Yes, absolutely," I said.

I was thrilled.  I could rush home and work on my other deadlines.  I had blocked an hour and a half for my doctor's appointment, so it was fantastic to have the time back.

As I drove home, I felt the prodding of the Holy Spirit as I neared the turnoff for my house. 

Keep driving.  Do you really think I cleared your schedule so you can work more?

In an unusual move for me, I actually listened.  I was supposed to be out of the office anyway. I kept driving towards a lake near my house, which is always a peaceful place for me. I pulled up next to the water and got out.  I sat on a large rock with my cup of coffee and looked at the water.  The water was like glass, the calmest I'd ever seen on the lake.

Immediately, my mind went to Psalm 23:

1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters.

He literally led me beside still waters.  I looked at the water, and I noticed it was crystal clear.  I could see all of the way to the bottom.  Still waters provide clarity.

We had a long talk on that rock, God and I.  We talked about a lot of things I've been struggling with, and I had some special moments of clarity that will provide a tremendous amount of help to me.  We talked about my kids, my divorce, and my parents.  It was honestly one of the most special moments I've had with my Savior.

As I left, I counted the wildlife sightings as I drove home.  I saw eighteen different animals, most of them rabbits, but I was still excited to see all of them.  I noticed the birds in the sky, the wildflowers in the ground.  It all felt so magical and peaceful.

As soon as I got home, it began to rain.

"Mom," my daughter said, "my lesson is cancelled for today.  I have the day free."

"Wow," I said.  "Must be a theme."

I sat down at my computer and began to work again.  An e-mail popped up from my boss cancelling our meeting this afternoon.  My calendar wasn't just cleared for the morning, it had been cleared for the day.  I sat down and began to work, relieved to know everything was, all of a sudden, under control.

The cancellations have continued all day.  My daughter's plans for Sunday just fell through due to more unexpected events.  I'm not sure when it will stop, but I am enjoying the time to just rest in God's arms without so many obligations.

How foolish I am to think God won't take care of me.  He is so generous with his blessings.  

He loves us so very much.